Changed my icon to my right eye... it's symbolic of a change I am trying to make... I want a constant reminder of something I have forgotten or let slip away, the fact that I am an eye, I see and my hands interpret. For a few years my icon has been a profile pic of me looking off into the distance and has proved to be oddly prophetic. I'm just passive and waiting and distanced, stalled, personal projects get abandoned, put aside, what am I waiting for?
I have always drawn, since I was very small, and my thoughts are all over sketch books that have no relevance once they are finished and get thrown away. They are just a means to an end, a series of ends, always ongoing. But I stopped drawing a few years back, 6 in fact. Yes, I have made brief forays back to the sketch pad and produced paper dolls or whatever, and in my design work I draw constantly and under pressure. The problem is that I produce pretty images to fit a product or someone else's idea of what that product needs (don't chose "design" if you are hung up on self-expression!). I also produce them on a tablet straight into the mac. I rarely even stop to do a thumbnail sketch anymore because this has become like second nature... it isn't the same as physically drawing though.
It definitely isn't the same as having the tiny seed of an idea, working on it and expanding it and cropping, changing, tweaking until it grows into something I probably wasn't expecting. I love that aspect of drawing so much, it's when I forget all about myself and my stupid problems. It also let's me break free from my bubble of self obsession, self doubt, self consciousness, self, self, self, etc... you have to look outside yourself and drawing makes me confident. I become so interested in what I am doing that I forget about me altogether and want to be around people, exchange ideas and live instead of existing.
I feel like a snail poking a wary eye out on a stalk to take a look around, I've been in this shell too damn long... wish me luck!